Sunday, September 26, 2010

Video game number two hundred and eighty three: Clash of the Titans

Video game review number two hundred and eighty three in my 365 Games in 365 Days project is "Clash of the Titans"

Earlier this year, I had the misfortune to see Clash of the Titans in 3D. I didn't really want to see it in 3D (I had heard that it was a terrible, post wrap 3D transfer kind of a thing)...but the people I was with wanted to spring for the glasses, and so I did as well. The 3D in that movie hurt my brain, and was incredibly terrible. Lots of waving spears in your faces, lots of double vision, and frankly...all it really did was make a bad movie worse.

The only nice thing I can say about this video game is that at least it wasn't in 3D.

Clash of the Titans is the latest in movie tie-in games, and it plays like the developers wanted to make sure it's review scores matched those of the film it was based on. You are Perseus, and you start out in a little fishing village, trying to save various family members and neighbors from monsters. I've played through 5 or 6 challenges so far, and each of them was exactly the same.

First, you talk to someone (half the time, the people I talked to told me there were monsters and then advised me not to go fight them). Each time, I ignored the people and fought the monsters. Then you come back, you save...and you repeat. I did this for about an hour...and trust me when I say this, it wasn't becoming any more fun as I went along.

You only start with one weapon (a sword), but that's ok, because you can pick up "sub weapons" by kicking the asses of skeletons you meet in the forest, and then stealing their weapons from them by doing a weird button event sequence sort of attack. The first time I pulled off the combo, it was pretty satisfying, but by the 20th time, it was just a pain in the ass. God of War handles this by only having you do it on certain enemies, but in Clash of the Titans...EVERYONE you meet needs the combo before they're finished, unless you want to hack at them with the wuss sword another 200 times.

If you're reading this review and you still haven't seen the movie, I recommend you don't. If you're reading this review, and you still haven't played the game...obviously, I recommend that you don't. If you can stay away from Clash of the Titans will have a happier life, and you'll probably live longer too. I'm convinced that playing bad games takes a little bit of your soul away every time you do it...and by my count, I've lost a lot of soul so far this year already.

Overall Score? 3/10. Below average video game. A boring hack and slash with annoyingly long loading times between fights....and no variety in the battles to break up the monotony. There might be better battles ahead, but who the hell wants to fight them after an hour of slogging through the crap.

Achievements: There are many, and most of them involve completing the levels with the fastest times (something you'll apparently be able to do better after you've beaten the entire game and unlocked all the weapons). I'm unsure why anyone would want to play this twice. I don't even want to play it once. In fact...there's a 15 point achievement for simply starting a 2P game, and I don't even feel like getting that. That should give you some small idea of just how much this game sucks.

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