Saturday, May 29, 2010

Video game number one hundred and forty: Attack of the movies: 3D

Video game review number one hundred and forty in my 365 Games in 365 Days project is "Attack of the movies: 3D".

One sentence review: Attack of the Movies 3D is a light gun game...without a light gun.

No, I'm not kidding. This game is fucking pointless. It's a shooter, clearly designed to work with a light gun (or possibly the Wiimote on the Wii), but released on the Xbox 360, where there is no such thing as a light gun peripheral. Whoever came up with this idea needs to be kneecapped.

Imagine playing Guitar Hero without the guitar. How about Karaoke Revolution with no microphone? DDR without the dance pad? Have that visual in your head? Good. All of those experiences would be more fun than this game is without a light gun.

You're on rails, meaning you have absolutely no control over the camera. You aim with the sticks (right or left) and you fire with your "A" button. If you've ever played a light gun game in the arcades (House of the Dead maybe?), you know exactly what to expect here. The camera will suddenly turn on it's own, forcing you to shoot at an enemy that has just popped up in front of you. Then the camera pans back...and you are forced to aim at someone else. You have no control over when it moves, or where it points.

Did you miss that health box the camera just panned past? Tough shit, fucko...maybe you should learn to aim faster. Do you want to see if that TV reporter gets saved or gets eaten by the giant ants? Too bad...the game doesn't want you to see that, and it's going to pan away now. Oh, and you won't be seeing that machine gun power up again for awhile, so maybe you should restart the level and try to hit it next time.

Each time you die, you start over...and you face the same sequence of events again. Same enemies that move the same way, every time. I suppose if you wanted could memorize the sequences and be a winner....but you'd still be a loser in life if you did that.

Overall: 0.5/10. This is by far one of the dumbest games I've ever played. Give me a light gun and it might be fun, but with the controller? It's retarded. I'm not giving it a zero, because I still had more fun with it than I had with Blood Bowl, but rest assured that it's pretty fucking stupid. The only way this game could be saved is with the surprise announcement of a light gun, or maybe some Project Natal support in the fall. Until either of those things'll have more fun playing with your dryer lint and a lighter than you will ever have playing with this game.

Achievements: Here's the one and only one I got (Or will ever get) in this piece of crap.

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