Thursday, July 08, 2010

Video game number one hundred and ninety seven: Sega Rally

Video game review number one hundred and ninety seven in my 365 Games in 365 Days project is "Sega Rally"


This is the worst car game I've played since I reviewed World of Outlaws: Sprint Cars back in February. Actually, it's even worse than that (and that's saying a lot). What an awful, awful piece of shit.

My parents once said "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"...but they weren't reviewing 365 video games. If I stuck to nice things, this page would be blank. Ok, MAYBE I might mention that the graphics in this game are ok, but that's where it ends. Seriously...that's the only nice comment I can think of here.

The controls are horrible....and only seem to exist as an afterthought. The car you see on the screen does not feel like it's being controlled by the player. I felt no connection at all with my vehicle in this one, and playing it reminds me of the experience one of my nephews must have had when they were little...and I'd hand them an unplugged control to "play" along with.

I'm not sure if there's a "trick" to this game, but if there's not readily apparent. The only way I was able to do reasonably well was to give up trying to steer or brake and just mash on the gas instead. I went through entire races without ever braking, and never suffered any consequences. You can ram full speed into trees, fences, other cars or anything else on the side of the road and your car will simply bounce off of it like it was a bump. Whether you try to hold your racing line or just swerve around the track, the speedometer rarely changes.

If you don't ram past the AI cars in the beginning of the race, you'll be very likely never to see them again. The difficulty is ridiculous, and I'm assuming the only way to "win" at this game is to play each track over and over until you know it by heart, and even then...I'm not sure what you'd accomplish. I completed the first circuit (in 5th place) and all it did was throw me back in to try the same 5 tracks again.

The only way I can imagine this game being any fun is if it were at a giant arcade like Gameworks, and you got to sit down in replicas of real rally cars to race with your friends. No computer opponents, just 7 of your closest buddies racing as poorly as you were. Alcohol might also need to be involved. IF this game were an arcade racer in 1998, maybe I'd have a little respect for it. As a console game in this's ass.

While I was playing, I got the following message over Xbox Live from my friend Jay, who saw what I was playing and offered up the following unsolicited review: "that game sucks... i tried to like it.

I suppose I could have just reprinted that and saved myself some time....except I didn't really try that hard. At least I got my one achievement. Let that be the end of this.

Overall Score? 2/10. Horrible, horrible game. If you want to see what a real Rally car game is all about, go get one of the "Dirt" games...and prepare to be amazed. If you want to understand what licking a urinal night taste like without having to catch a disease or visit the this game. Although I've never tried the real thing, I'm pretty sure this game is not about rally's actually a dirty urinal licking simulator.

Achievement? Yes...I got one. I'm glad it came after only 4 races, because I couldn't have played this for much longer.

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