The other day, I noticed that they were offering people on Xbox Live the opportunity to vote for the best arcade games of the year. First of all, 'Splosion Man should win for every category. I don't care what the category is, unless it's "Best game named Peggle", 'Splosion Man deserves the award. It really is the best arcade game I've ever played.
Anyway, for some crazy reason, 'Splosion Man is only nominated for 3 categories, and after I voted for it in all three...I checked out some of the other nominees. I've played every single one of them, except one: Lucidity. Lucidity is up against Shadow Complex for best graphics. I can't believe I'd never heard of it.
I booted it up and sure enough, the graphics are pretty damn good. It looks like a children's book I might have read as a kid. I found myself saying "Wow, this art is pretty great." Unfortunately, the beauty in this game was only as deep as the graphics. The gameplay is pretty stupid.
The hero of the game is a little girl, who runs in a straight line from the start to the finish of the stage. For some reason, she is trying to get to a mailbox, to get a postcard from her grandmother. This is how each level ends. The post cards never say anything interesting.....it's usually just something like "I hope you're having a great adventure, you're such a darling girl".
Anyway, this stupid girl will run in a straight line, regardless of what obstacles might be about to kill her. Whether it's killer bees, pits of doom, a cliff, some fire, or perhaps a poisonous flower, the dumb little bitch will run right into it. You don't actually have control of her, so there is no way to stop her from killing herself over and over again. The only thing you can do to prevent her from dying is place objects in her path that will help her to overcome the hazards. The girl has a death wish, and you're basically her guardian angel.
If she's about to fall off a cliff, you must quickly throw down a set of stairs so she can climb over it. If she's about to step on a bee that will kill her in one shot, you might put down a springy platform so she can jump over it instead. If the hapless little twit is going to run right into a pit of spikes, you might be merciful enough to throw a plank down that she can walk across the spikes instead.
This is fun for about 3 levels.
I played 7.
Overall score: 4/10. I'm sure there are people who enjoy this sort of game, but I just got frustrated with it. I kept wondering when the girl's grandma would send her a postcard that said "Stop running into things that will kill you, you stupid little whore". I suppose since this game is rated "E", it could have said something a little more polite, but you get the idea.
For a moment, let's pretend I'm your grandmother and this blog is your mail box. You've opened it, and guess what....here's a postcard, just for you:
Don't play this stupid game.
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