Unfortunately, I do not have a web cam where I perform pornographic tricks with a hamster. I do not have the latest scripts for the Star Wars TV show or any other movie folks are eager to read about. What I do have is a rather frequent update of the mundane goings on in the life of Josh. Sometimes...I even post pictures! Maybe.
If you enjoy action, fighting or adventure games...this game is worth picking up.
If you don't enjoy Japanese anime, you might not have any idea what the hell is going on.
I have seen endless praised heaped upon this game from every review outlet out there, so this was naturally going to be one of the games I tried out this year. I've enjoyed similar games in the past (Ninety Nine Nights jumps to mind), but I'm not a big fan of the genre itself. It's not that I don't enjoy getting 89 hit combos and destroying endless waves of enemies followed by a big boss. In fact, this is probably gaming in one of it's purest forms....and it's usually a lot of fun. I just usually end up playing these for a few levels and getting bored of the repetition unless the story is compelling enough to keep me playing. To me (and possibly only to me) this game doesn't meet that bar.
So far in Bayonetta, I have absolutely no idea what the shit is going on. The cut scenes are beautiful, the main character is a gorgeous witch with giant boobs, but for the life of me...I have no idea what my objective is. You start out in a grave yard, you're fighting bad guys for some reason....I think because you're an angel and they're devils (or maybe the other way around). Eventually you run out of enemies and you have to jump over the fence to find more (this took me a minute or two to figure out).
Later, there's a mob boss and somehow you're affiliated with him. There's a bartender that reminds me of Zack from the Dead or Alive series (he's the guy in the game who apparently befriends hot chicks and sells all the potions and character upgrades at his bar). After visiting him, you start the next level, where you're a ghost in a train station for some reason. Later still, you fight a giant fat guy and a two headed dragon. I assure you, I was not stoned or drunk while playing this game....but looking back on it, it sure sounds like I was. The game developers must have been. :-)
I completely understand why people who write real game reviews are required to play through the entire game before they can review it. I enjoyed Bayonetta quite a bit and I know I'm just getting started in the game. There are at least 15 chapters in the game, and I only made it to the third one on normal difficulty. I don't feel like I've given this game the full attention it deserves, but at the same time...I'm not compelled to keep playing. It's not because I don't like it, it's because I'm on a mission...and I have to be very selective about the games I'm going to play outside of that mission.
If I wasn't addicted to Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2, I'd probably keep on playing Bayonetta when I wasn't trying to play other new games this year. The game may be a bit confusing, but it's definitely fun. The attacks are awesome and you can kill people in dozens of ways. Bayonetta has a gun in each hand and somehow also has a pair of guns attached to her shoes. There are weapon attacks, martial arts, magic and if you get bored with those....Bayonetta has these great special attacks where she forms tornadoes of fury with her hair (and gets naked in the process). I don't think I've ogled a video game character this much since the last Soul Calibur sequel. Bayonetta wears a tight black catsuit and sucks on a cherry lollipop in most of the cut-scenes. If ever you were looking for a video game heroine that makes Lara Croft look conservative by comparison, Bayonetta is your girl.
Overall Rating: 7 out of 10
Overall jiggle factor: 11
Overall confusion factor: 74
Here are the achievements that popped while I was playing through: